25 Ways To Be The Worst Kind Of Travel Companion

Step one: clap when the plane lands.
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25 Ways To Be The Worst Kind Of Travel Companion

If you know anything at all about traveling with friends, it’s that there’s always so much possibility involved. Where will you go? What will you eat? Whom will you meet? What manner of strange and curious creatures will you encounter? How many small, insufferable ways are there to get on each other’s nerves? The sky’s the limit — but here are 25 ideas to get you started.

  1. Clap when the plane lands

  3. Pull out all your money in public

  5. Conspicuous use of selfie stick

  7. Forget your alcohol limits and confirm all the worst American stereotypes

  9. Run everyone in your group ragged trying to See All The Sights

  11. Move at a snail’s pace everywhere you go because you Work Hard And Deserve To Relax

  13. Insist on visiting the wax museum/local McDonald’s/entire directory listing of historic European churches. Allow nobody to opt out.

  15. Take zero responsibility for learning the local language; rely on other people to do all the talking

  17. Take zero responsibility for learning the local language; attempt a crude anglicized version of the language instead that basically involves adding “o” to the end of every word

  19. Attempt to over-optimize every aspect of the trip; force your hangry friends to wait while you find WiFi so you can spend half an hour scouring the local Yelp! reviews

  21. Be hangry; take your hanger out on everyone else; act as though you’re the only one in the group with a stomach and physical needs

  23. Touch the art

  25. Take insensitive selfies with the grave and serious art

  27. Buy all the “traditional” garb in the souvenir shop; wear it all at once

  29. Insist on eating at the same chain restaurants you patronize all the time back home

  31. Insist on eating at restaurants with English menus

  33. Force everyone to wait while you risk certain death trying to get the perfect “chaotic traffic” shot for Instagram

  35. Force everyone to wait while you rearrange the contents of your three (??) suitcases to meet the weight limit; make everyone almost miss their flight because you have an unregulated shopping addiction

  37. Appoint yourself the Transportation Tsar; take no actual responsibility for keeping everyone on schedule

  39. Expect every international cafe you enter to understand your Starbucks order

  41. Disappear. Reappear. Disappear again, except for longer this time, so that everyone starts to worry

  43. Disappear and reappear because you have your own agenda. Still force everyone to wait around for you, drive you places and hold your stuff

  45. Complain every time you have to pay for something; secretly hoard the communal food supply in your room

  47. Engage with every street vendor trying to sell you overpriced crap; buy the overpriced crap and gradually force everyone else to make extra room in their suitcases

  49. End up in jail
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